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Before you had your baby, or maybe whilst you were pregnant you probably had some preconceived notions, or a few thoughts or feelings about what motherhood would be like.  
However for many of us, becoming a mother, whilst absolutely amazing and wonderful can also be a complete shock to the system, and be absolutely nothing like you had imagined.

I recently read a report that showcased the results of candid interviews held with thousands of new mothers.  The new mothers were asked if motherhood was anything like they expected.....

Would you be surprised to find that around 90% of new mothers surveyed said that motherhood was nothing like they had expected, and less than 5% agreed that motherhood was close to, or what that expected.

With statistics like this, it is frightening to think that so many women are so completely unprepared for motherhood, and that so many women find themselves surprisingly unhappy during the early months of motherhood.  Not because they don’t love their babies and aren’t great mother’s, but because the reality of motherhood was so completely different from what they expected, and so much harder than they ever imagined that the reality of motherhood has completely shattered their dreams about what motherhood would really be like.

When you think about it, we are continuously surrounded by gurgling babies and glowing mothers, and perfect celebrity mothers.  Never do you see anyone promoting a frazzled, sleep deprived new mother.  No! Thanks to today’s view of women, we are all now expected to be career women, perfect wives and yummy mummies that get that pre baby body back in a matter of weeks, simply by breastfeeding.

Yes, thanks to the mysterious motherhood ‘code of silence’ that forbids all women from telling anyone the truth about parenting, women have and will continuously be tricked into a false sense of reality when it comes to motherhood. And as such over 90% of them will not find motherhood to be anything like they expected, and most will eventually mutter the words, “Why didn’t anyone tell me it was going to be like this?”

If this sounds a little bit like you, then keep reading as we get brave and start exploring some myths!!!

All the other new mums are coping better than me

I don’t know why it happens or where it started, but for some reason there is a distinct mask that surrounds motherhood.  It is the mask that all women wear throughout the majority of their adult life.  It is the mask that they wear that hides their fears, their doubts and their true feelings.  It is the mask that shows the world that everything in their life is perfect and everything is going to plan.  That no matter what life or their new baby throws at them, they are completely and utterly copying, in fact life is so great that they could give it an 11/10.

This mask seems to just naturally develop over the course of a young woman’s life, and at no time in a women’s life is this mask worn more often and with more vigour than as a new mother.  
Now if you are not sure what I am talking about, maybe the following scenario will ring an air of truth for you.

You have had a terrible night.  You have been up with your baby five times; he has been refusing to feed, you have had a stupid fight with your husband over you forgetting to buy the milk again. (Though, through some foggy vague memory you are sure it was his turn, but honestly who could be sure these days).

You don’t have time for a shower, you chuck on an unironed shirt, which your baby throws up on you minutes before leaving the house.  And when you go to pack the nappy bag, you realise it wasn’t just the milk you forgot to buy yesterday, it was the nappies, the wipes and the cake for today’s mothers group.

You finally arrive at your mother’s group 15 minutes late to find all the other mum’s sitting on the couch sipping fused herbal tea, wearing their matching Queen Bee nursing coordinates and talking about the latest baby sign language techniques. Whilst, their babies are either crawling around gurgling happily on the floor, or sleeping peacefully in their portable pods.

They all look up and smile sympathetically as you burst throw the door in a frazzled mess, of bags, grizzly baby and apologies about the cake.  But when asked how you are, do you tell the truth? No, of course not!  You smile back and tell them all about how well your little angel is sleeping, how much your relationship has deepened since his birth, and how you are thinking about starting baby yoga soon, not to tone up, of course, but because you are just so full of energy you just need to channel it into something other than the organic veggie patch.

And there you have it! A perfect example of the motherhood conspiracy that suggests that everyone is coping, that everyone knows what they are doing and that everyone is perfectly OK.  It is the reason that all women out-rightly lie about their lives and would rather stay behind closed doors on a bad day rather than venture out in public and risk anyone seeing the truth that just ‘today’ they may not be coping.

My suggestion here is to just simply accept that this is reality.  That that there is so much pressure on women to prove that they are coping, that we are all walking around promoting a lie.  Yes, I know some of my critics, might say they are coping, and that they are not lying to anyone. But hey you are probably one of the lucky ones, and can you be honest and say that you are really coping all day, every day?  And that your baby really is text book perfect 24/7?

So come on ladies it is time to be brave and give this stupid motherhood conspiracy the flick. Try being brave enough to be honest with those around you, you might just be surprised at the sighs of relief and the flood of confessions that follow once someone has the confidence to be the first one to say, “Oh my god, my baby screamed all the way home on the plane ride from Sydney to Brisbane.  I would have been embarrassed if I hadn’t been so worried about trying to express milk in the bathroom during a bout of turbulence”.

Enough is enough! With the advice that is

From the moment you announced your pregnancy or that little bump began to show, you will have more than likely been bombarded with an endless supply of unwanted and unsolicited advice.

Whether you are standing in a supermarket queue, pushing your baby on the swing, or sipping coffee (de-caf of course) with your mother in law, it seems that everybody has an opinion on everything from pregnancy, to the labour, to breastfeeding and to how best raise your baby.  And the worst thing about all of this unsolicited advice is that it is all conflicting and often incorrect, which can unfortunately leave a new mother even more confused than ever before.  Sometimes the advice can be so forceful and relentless, that it can leave even the most confident of mother’s full of self doubt.

Whilst a lot of advice can be helpful, and all advice givers are genuinely only trying to help, it is important to remember that when it comes to your baby, ‘mother usually does know best’.  The best tactic to take is to smile, take a deep breath and thank the person for their advice, before quickly changing the subject.  

Of course if the advice is helpful than ask questions and take it on board, though if you doubt the advice or think it won’t suit you or your baby, just say that you will think about taking it on board, or firmly but politely acknowledge their advice but explain what works for you.  It is rarely worth the time or energy arguing your point or opinion with others, just let them finish talking and simply discard it.

One of the best ways to find an answer to a question you have about your baby is to ask other mothers, read books and magazines, get online and read a variety of websites and forums (like this one), or talk to your health professional. Eventually you will find the advice you need, or you and your baby will work out your teething problems naturally.

Everyone else seems to get their pre baby body back in six weeks with no effort

Ok, I don’t think I need to write three paragraphs on this one.  Of course this is absolute cr$%.  No one but air brushed celebrities with personal trainers, nannies, chefs and beauty therapies seem to trick us into believing this one.

Who are these people that are getting their bodies back in six weeks? Come on... truthfully....
As frustrating as it is, you must remember that it took nine months for your body to change during the pregnancy and it is going to probably take the same amount of time, and the same amount of effort (if not more) to get anywhere near to what it was before. Though for most women, their bodies change shape and they never look the same way again.

Don’t use magazines and TV shows as an indication of post baby bodies, have a close and honest look at the bodies of mums at the shops, the park, your babies swimming lessons and your mother’s group.  You will more than likely realise that everyone has the same stretch marked covered, jelly belly as you do, and that they all have found that they don’t quite fit into their jeans the way they used to.  But hey all that lifting of a ten kilo toddler surely does let you get fantastic shoulders and biceps.

No one told me it was going to be this HARD!

If I had a dollar for every new mother that had spoken those words to me, through blurry tear rimmed eyes, I would never have to work a day in my life again.  And yes, I was certainly one of the women that would be contributing to this collected fortune. I too, was completely shocked as to just how hard and how exhausting being a mum would be.

Thanks again to the mask of motherhood, most of us had absolutely no idea how hard motherhood was going to be.  Have you ever run into a new mum at the supermarket and had her say “oh my god, it is so hard, I am so tired.  I am crying all the time. I am not coping at all! My husband and I are ships passing in the night.  I really don’t know if I would recommend this to anyone!”  

Unfortunately, I very much doubt it.  It is more than likely that you have heard how wonderful it is, how well they are coping and how perfect their baby has been.  And of course their sex life is back and better than ever!

Thanks to TV commercials, magazines, and the mask of motherhood, you have more than likely been led to believe that early mother hood would involve catching up with other mums for coffee, playing in the park, attending mum’s and bubs yoga and finally taking that scrapbooking class you have always dreamed, whilst of course your baby is peacefully sleeping for your teenage babysitter.

The reason that most new mothers are shocked at the reality of motherhood is that no one tells you how different your life will really be.  How unpredictable your baby will be.  How isolated, lonely and confused you will feel.  How you can spend hours of the day pacing the hall crying alongside your baby wondering what to do, what you have done wrong or why on earth you decided to have a baby at all (yes, all mother’s feel like this on certain days).  

No one tells you that it affects every part of your life.  Your relationships, your body and your mind!  That everything you know is completely turned upside down and you will have no idea how to fix it.  And no one will ever tell you that there will be days that you will scream at the universe, or sit on the floor crying, and that you just won’t cope at all.  No it seems no one wants to tell you this reality at all.  Even though it is a very real reality, for most, if not all new mums.

It is time to stop beating yourself up, girls and take a reality check.  If you are still standing and putting on matching shoes when you leave the house, congratulate yourself on getting this far.  You need to realise that the reality is, that even the most cool, calm and collected person can be frazzled by the demands of a new born baby, and even an ‘easy’ baby will need constant care around the clock.  

For a start, they need to be fed every 2 – 3 hours, which can take anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour each time, and that doesn’t include the burping.  There are nappies to be changed, baths to be taken, food or bottles to be prepared, clothes to be washed, and games to be played.  All of which can easily take up 10 hours of your day.

On top of this you still have to do the housework, cook your meals, go shopping and pay the bills, not to mention all the hours you will spend in between consoling your crying baby or the hours upon hours spent walking the halls (or driving around the block) trying to get your bundle of joy to sleep. (No they all don’t sleep 18 hours a day like clockwork). And somewhere in between all that you have to find time, to eat, sleep and shower yourself.

Now when you look at the reality of looking after a baby, you will probably see that there isn’t much room in there for cafe latte’s, mums and bubs yoga, or long intimate dinners with your partner. Now I am not saying that these things won’t happen, but what I am saying is that it takes time, organisation, planning and a fair amount of luck on your side to fit these extra activities into the day.  So when a new mother’s day doesn’t pan out the way she had always imagined, day after day after day, she is obviously left shocked and often distressed.

So stop now ladies... Take a deep breath and realise that everyone is secretly living this exhausting, confusing and socially deprived life... And despite the media, the lies, and the secrets, whilst motherhood is wonderful and rewarding, it is also REALLY HARD too.

Hey Mummy... I’m not really tired....