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Crying and Babies
As hard as it is to hear, babies will and do cry. It is actually part of their natural development. However, it can actually come as quite a shock to new parents as to just how much, and how often a newborn baby cries.
How much, how long and how hard a newborn baby will cry will vary depending on the child, and whilst some parents can tolerate a fair amount of crying, others can’t, and find it very difficult to deal with.
No matter how strong you are, the crying will at some point inevitably affect you... Especially during the inevitable arsenic or witching hours.
Whilst there isn’t a lot you can do other than try to comfort your child and wait for them to adjust to their new world, there are a few things you can do and check which may make your baby feel better. (See below) However, if you have been through your checklist and you are still worried that something really may be wrong with your baby. Then see your Doctor, there is a lot to be said for a mother’s instinct, and no Doctor will ever begrudge a new parent for being worried or wanting to ‘just be’ on the safe side.
Constant and excessive crying can be distressing, and will have most new parents worried, however know that some new baby’s can, and may cry up to three to five hours at a time. This is just what young baby’s do. Crying is their only form of communication, and in the early days baby’s have a lot to communicate, for example “who are you?”, “why am I cold?”, “what’s that noise?”, “I’m hungry!”, “where has my lovely womb gone?”
So how do you know what’s normal, and whether your baby is crying excessively or has colic? Well in most cases, if your baby cries for 3 hours or more at a time, 3 times a day or more for 3 days or more in a row. Then your baby may be diagnosed with colic.
When your baby is suffering from colic or is having one of it’s ‘crying episodes’, you will sometimes worry that there is something wrong, whilst at other times you will doubt your ability to parent, and at other times you may become, stressed, tense and anxious, but please know that these feelings are perfectly normal and will pass.
The best thing to do when you have had ‘enough’ of the crying is to either call on a friend or a neighbor to give you a short break, or to put your baby down in a safe place, and walk away for a minute. Sometimes just walking to another room, splashing water on your face and having a drink of water whilst you let the kettle boil, or standing in the sun for a minute or two will be enough to clear your head.
Don’t ever feel guilty if you sometimes feel that you can’t cope, and need to walk away from a moment, it is perfectly normal and every parent will at some point need a ‘time out’. The important thing is to always ensure that your baby is safe, that you never shake or hurt your baby, and that if it ever gets too much that you ask for help. Everyone has been there and no one will judge you. All parents remember what it was like and will sympathise with you.
Baby’s are a lot of work in the early days and will leave most new parents exhausted, stressed and anxious. They are literally a 24/7 job, and you need to forget about being superwoman, and realizing that the most important thing at the moment is you and this new little person. Forget about the housework, the shopping, and the exotic home cooked meals.
You are a mum now and your baby’s only source of care and nurturing, so it is really important that you look after yourself. Try to rest as much as you can, eat well and try to take a little time out for you and your partner to recharge, even if it is a hot cuppa and a quick flick through the Sunday paper.
Now, I do realise that this can be, and is a lot easier said then done. But the important thing here is to try. Take offers of help, accept home cooked meals from neighbors, order your groceries on line, hire a cleaner for a few weeks, live in tracky dacks and wear pony tails. There will be plenty of time to get you, your house and your life back on track later on. For now just get through the next few weeks, as I did, one hour and one day at a time.
And remember, that you absolutely ‘can not’ spoil a baby by picking them up, cuddling them or talking to them too often. Babies have no perception of memory until at least 3 months of age, and won’t even think about trying to manipulate their world until around their first birthday. So forget the old wives tales about four hourly schedules and making a rod for your back. Trust your instincts, feed your baby when it is hungry, and pick your baby up and smother it with love and attention as often as you like. Your baby is lonely and scared and needs you now more than ever.
Whilst nothing will magically stop your baby from crying, well nothing but ‘the boob’, below are a few ideas that may help calm your baby and minimize the crying. If one thing doesn’t work, then try another, sometimes different strategies and different combinations work at different times. Sometimes something will work once and never work again, and others will work nearly every time. Only time will help you get to know your baby better and help you work out what is wrong.
Tips for settling your baby
Try not to let your baby cry too long. Respond as quickly as you can, don’t let your baby cry for longer than a couple of minutes. Remember they can not be spoiled. Most likely your baby is lonely, scared, bored or simply missing you.
Check your baby’s comfort. Is it too hot, too cold, are they lying awkwardly, is a button sticking into their back. Sometimes baby’s just need to be re-shifted to a new position.
Check your baby’s nappy. Some baby’s are really fussy and hate wet or dirty nappies.
Check the clock. Is your baby due for a feed? Young babies need to eat every two hours, and that is two hours from the beginning of their last feed.
Does your baby have wind? Did you burp your baby after their last feed? Maybe put your baby over your shoulder and give them a pat as you walk around. Or place them on a pillow on your lap and tap and rub their back.
Your baby may just need to suck. You could offer them a dummy, your breast, your clean finger, or show them how to find their own fingers to suck.
Your baby may be bored. Speak softly to your baby, sing, play soft music, or walk around with them outside and talk about your surroundings.
Your baby may also be over-stimulated. Signs include turning their head away, pulling at their hair, rubbing their eyes, yawning or general fussing. Try taking them away to a quiet darkened room, and quietly rocking and humming to them.
Walk and gently rock your baby in your arms or pop them in a sling. Most babies enjoy the rocking motions. And love to be close to your chest and your heart beat.
Take your baby for a walk in the pram.
Take your baby for a drive; again they love the rocking motion. Just don’t use this trick to often. You don’t want your baby to rely on a drive around the block to settle themselves down.
Give your baby a warm bath, followed by a soothing massage.
Try warming a wheat pack in the microwave and placing it between yourself and your baby to relieve stomach pain, just check it on yourself, and regularly on your baby to ensure it is not too hot.
Try a specialized colic or wind formula. See your local pharmacist or doctor to discuss safe options.
Pop your baby in a bouncer or swing. They may enjoy the bouncing/rocking motion.
Change your diet. Something you are eating may be coming through your breast milk and upsetting your baby. Watch out for chocolate, cabbage, coffee, hot and spicy food etc.
Play a ‘womb sounds’ or ‘white noise’ CD for your baby.
Ask friends, doctors or your child health nurse for advice. Many chemists also have weekly visits from an experienced midwife that may be able to provide some advice.
Give your baby a quick feed. Don’t let them have the full amount, just enough mouthfuls to calm them down.
Your baby may need to sleep. A young baby will need to sleep around every 75 – 90 minutes and can become over-stimulated after being awake for only 45 - 60 minutes.
Is colic preventable?
Many parents wonder if colic was something they could have prevented, unfortunately colic or excessive crying just seems to be just something that most babies have to go through. Whilst at the time it may feel as if your situation will never improve, most babies settle by the 20th week. You can help the situation by reducing stress and tension in your home and trying to be prepared as possible for the arrival of your baby.
Another option may be to invest in a sling, as research has shown that in cultures where babies are carried a lot, even when not crying, colic is literally unknown. It seems babies seem to cry and fuss less when in close contact with their mother or father. So carrying your baby for extended periods in a sling or spending a lot of time cuddling or carrying your baby may assist with your baby’s tears.
When to see a doctor
Many parents will want to see their doctor early on in the piece, when their baby first begins having long ‘crying episodes’ and/or appears restless and grizzly. In most cases your baby will be fine, but your doctor may be able to put your mind at ease by providing some practical advice, as well as performing some general physical and neurological examinations that can rule out any medical causes.
If your Doctor suspects something is wrong they may order x-ray’s or blood tests to help diagnose what is causing your babies crying.
Make sure you see your doctor if:
· after using all of the above tips your baby crying fails to improve;
· your baby develops any other problems or symptoms apart from crying;
· you are afraid you might hurt your baby or you feel depressed or detached;
· you are worried or concerned for ‘any’ other reason.
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